This one from Chana Devorah Schwartz- Thanks Chana!

"Hi Diana, I saw you wanted us to post hair raising (or losing) stories here? My brother was way ahead of his time as a innovative hair designer, but I was not a willing guinea pig! He was 5, I was 3, and he got inspiration to give me a hair cut, & I don’t know why I just sat there & let him. My hair had been past shoulder length, and he brilliantly cut one side (one side only mind you) straight up past my ear. I was left hanging like that (that style is in already for years, he started it). My luck was my mom & aunt weren’t gonna let me go out like that, so I was promptly sat down again & my aunt cut the other side above my ear to match, thank you dear auntie, it did make sense, must admit. I was one pissed off 3 year old tho. Sorry it wasn’t more colorful than that, tho once he dumped a whole plastic bottle of talcum powder on both our heads, we were white as snow & looked like George & Martha Washington. Luckily he took up another career (he is a great brother really!)"

Chana, that baby powder story made me laugh and reminded me of this video I’ve posted here- watch it and have a laugh!

**Trips to the salon or home hair gone wrong**

Share your HAIR HORROR STORIES and VENTS for a chance to win a $100 gift certificate to SEPHORA!!

 CONTEST WINNER WILL BE ANNOUNCED  JUNE 15, 2012 !!!

This is from Daura Hamilton

PURPLE CURLY AND CHOPPED!
"Hair horror stories happen to me a great deal. I have natural curly hair and everyone assumes that cutting it is no big deal. I went to the salon for a trim and the beautician cutting it had a bad night before, she kept cutting my hair and talking about how frustrated she was.When she took a breath I asked about my hair and she said it was fine, she kept cutting it. When she finally said that she was done she had chopped nine inches off my hair trying to straighten up her own mess!!!! It was to be a trim and a coloring. She mixed the dye wrong and my hair turned a sick purple. I ended up stripping my hair and keeping put up for months until it grew out. My next visit to a new stylist ended up costing me as she stated that I would need to come in every month so that she fix the layers that the lady had cut into my hair. Ten visits to continue trimming up a disaster. Never stay in a chair when one brings home to work!!
 

This one from Chana Devorah Shwartz- Thanks Chana!

Hi Diana, I saw you wanted us to post hair raising (or losing) stories here? My brother was way ahead of his time as a innovative hair designer, but I was not a willing guinea pig!

He was 5, I was 3, and he got inspiration to give me a hair cut, & I don’t know why I just sat there & let him. My hair had been past shoulder length, and he brilliantly cut one side (one side only mind you) straight up past my ear. I was left hanging like that (that style is in already for years, he started it). My luck was my mom & aunt weren’t gonna let me go out like that, so I was promptly sat down again & my aunt cut the other side above my ear to match, thank you dear auntie, it did make sense, must admit.

I was one pissed off 3 year old tho. Sorry it wasn’t more colorful than that, tho once he dumped a whole plastic bottle of talcum powder on both our heads, we were white as snow & looked like George & Martha Washington. Luckily he took up another career (he is a great brother really!)

Chana, that baby powder story made me laugh and reminded me of this video I’ve posted here- watch it and have a laugh! Click on the title below.

Best Flour Hair Dryer Prank

This one is from Rick D’Elia:
” I once had a hair dresser ask me how old I was. When I told her she said, “My boyfriend is a few years older than you but he’s not even half as gray as you are! Why is your hair so gray?” Rude, right? Apparently not as rude as when I said, “My girlfriend is roughly your age but she’s not nearly as heavy as you are! Why are you so heavy?” Needless to say, she didn’t give me the best haircut. I came out looking like Sinead O’Connor…after Chemo!”

Well Rick, we all know that some men are super sexy in grey. Your come back got you in a pickle with her though-all I can say is it’s a darn good thing you weren’t there for a shave! Thanks for sharing your story.

This one from Madelyn Tannenbaum Waggoner: Thanks Madelyn!

Madelyn’s Hair Horror Story!  Madelyn writes: “How about this one…my hairdresser was so proud that he just gave up cocaine, and was telling me his story, (going on and on for a really long time) that he left my hair being highlighted in the foils for  way too long, and each piece of hair in each foil got so bleached  that  they all broke off in the foils.”

Thank you Madelyn for your entry-sounds like he was “tweaking”! So sorry that happened to you.  The picture below is one sure way to handle it should it ever happen again! xo, Diana

I’ll be performing a guest set in the legendary “Sammy’s Show Room” at Harrah’s Reno next Friday, March 16th at 10 pm along with comics Rick D’Elia & Kira Soltanovich. Let me know if you want to go!!!

Many thanks and all apologies to my much-confused fans and followers. After blogging for years, I finally own my name on the Internet — Yay!

DianaAlouise.com brings my myriad posts online under one site at last, so I hope this makes it easier to follow the adventure that is my life.

When I was on the LA entertainment circuit, believe me I had all sorts of crazy people trying to find out information about me.

So to mess with ya all. I changed my name from Diane to Diana. Well to my surprise changing that one letter was a stupid thing to do. Especially when I did this sort of a change legally. Spending money, standing in lines, changing charge card info, checking accounts, headshots, and everything that relates to your personal life with your name on it. And that is the only thing I’ve ever done legally. Trust me. To my surprise it did nothing. Not a thing. You can go to Diane Alouise. Diana Alouise, D alouise or any just Alouise, and get the same old gosh darn girl. I’m there no matter what! There isn’t even a hint of not being able to NOT to find me. It’s just plain old there. So any of you trying to come clean or do a name change to hide yourself from anyone finding you…just do yourself a favor. Keep your life just gosh darn clean. Then you won’t have to go through this kind of TROUBLE!!!! Just a tip! If not and you need to go through this, I suggest it’s easier to move to another country, try Japan, they all look alike, or Mexico, they all eat the same cheese, Austraila, they all have the same accent or just about any other foreign country. I’m sure you can trade citizenship with someone who wants to come over here. Or learn a completely different language, change your skin color, hair and better yet get a sex change! Just start over! Cause they’ll find ya!

Isn’t it fun to have a night out with your best friends? Best friends are the backbone of our lives. That’s why you should never betray or do something horrible to a really close friend. Take my advice: most friends honor the standard wedding vows of sticking with you “through good times & bad, sickness & health, rich or poor…” more than some of our spouses. When it came to those vows my first husband answered, “Yes, no, and maybe…”

Not to change the subject but actually the same goes for a hairdresser, and not just because I am one, but we hairdressers last longer than most doctors, dentists or therapists. In fact, more advice: get rid of the therapist because in the long run your hairdresser becomes your primary therapist, and it will cost you a lot less!

So my point is this… Here’s a photo taken Saturday, November 9th. The girl on my right is Nancy; the girl on my left is Kathy. They are two of my very good friends. Nancy and her boyfriend just split up two weeks ago. Before dinner we were all talking about her breakup. She mentioned how she has decided to Feng Shui certain areas of her home. Feng Shui is a Japanese way of life…structuring a home, room or any living arrangement to get rid of bad energy. Nancy was hoping to use this technique to get rid of the bad energy in her bedroom that could be left from her relationship. In fact some of the rules in the bedroom for Feng Shui say, when you experience stress, arguments in bed, or end a relationship, the energy expressed in those disturbing moments linger inside the mattress. One of the rules suggested in the book is to buy a new bed. So Nancy decided to do just that.
Well I thought about trying that solution, but that could cost me a total of $554,000.64… and that’s just for the year.

The Feng Shui book gives a couple of other suggestions, if you cannot buy a new mattress. You can implement these solutions to cleanse an old one:

*Place the mattress outside in direct sunlight for at least eight hours then, wave sandalwood incense around it before bringing it back inside.

*Perform a salt burning in the bedroom after an illness, break up, or divorce.

Now I’d really like to get into this Feng Shui thing to help clear out the negative energy that could be lingering in MY mattress. Come to think of it, I’ve barely even talked about my relationships on this blog. I do try to have healthy, long term relationships but sometimes they always don’t work out that way. In fact I go through relationships like a newborn having to change diapers: no matter how much TLC I use, I still wind up with a bunch of crap!

Another suggestion for the mattress is cleanse it outside in the open air. Now if I decide to cleanse my mattress from the breakups I’ve dealt with in the outdoor air like they suggest, I might as well just leave my mattress outside on my upper deck 99.9% of the year. Then I won’t have to worry about disturbing moments lingering constantly inside the mattress. The only downside is, I live in Truckee which is a snowy resort five months out of the year. A couple of those months’ temperatures hit minus eleven degrees. So how am I going to sleep outside in one of the coldest spots in the Western Pacific? This solution isn’t sounding to cozy.

Now getting back to the salt or sandalwood thing; what the heck can that do? Start a fire with the sandalwood maybe and then I’ll be able to use the salt to put it out. Just thinking about the mattress sitting outside clearing out those evil spirits wasn’t sounding too good, so how is a bucket of salt or a branch of sandalwood going to do me any good?

Anyway, so before my friend Nancy spent a small fortune on this sort of “cleansing” I had to let her know that, when translated into English, “Feng Shui” actually means, “F@#k that Shit!!!”

Last week, for the first time in my life, I had to visit the Emergency room. I contemplated for hours in the middle of the night about calling 911. I’m all alone and wondering the pain that developed in my stomach became extremely intolerable, so what the heck should I do. Call 911, or somehow get in the car and get myself down there…what should I do???

But first things first… I’d have to take a shower and get ready before going. I mean, what if I met a cute guy there? I’m not going to let some doctor or ER guy see me looking like a MESS! Anyhow after showering I got myself looking halfway decent and felt like I could hobble down to my car and drive the five minutes to the ER on my own. That probably saved me a $1000 ambulance ride considering I don’t have a Golden Insurance card that government employees do. The reason being is probably they are so stressed out because of being underpaid, overworked and just godamn pissed of working for the government! So they need good coverage. It’s a health issue. That’s another story.

I check myself in to only find a male nurse, pretty good looking to say the least. Thank God I spent a bit more time getting ready. Then the doctor came in. They went through the drill and I answered most of the questions carefully. I mentioned I had rough sex just a week before…with a fireman…and lord knows they have great health insurance! I then said he could have done something to my intestines. Well I told the doctor, you know that sex stuff. He said “No, actually I wasn’t there.” We went through blood work, blood tests and etc. One test came back positive that I had a UTI infection. What a surprise! The stomach thing was the next issue. Now to bring up a suggestion to the doctor I said, “Well I hate to admit this but maybe the condom is lost somewhere inside which is causing all my pain because I could never find the darn thing!”

From the look on his face I could see from this small town I live in, they most probably deal with sporting accidents and etc. Not lost condoms inside a woman. An hour went by and the doctor proceeded to tell me his shift was over and another doctor would fill in. “You’ve got to be kidding? I’m going to have to explain this to two people who live in a town of 14 thousand? Oh great, just perfect for my already squeaky reputation…just great!”

In fact living in LA was so much easier. You can get away with anything! Nobody ever knows what going on with you. People are concerned about themselves. Not kidding, you could be on the front page of the LA Times for a terrible crime, rob 15 banks, and run out of every restaurant you’ve had dinner in without paying and still get married to the man or woman of your dreams and no one would know a thing!

So anyhow the next doctor who continues with my illness now decides to go for the hunt in search of the “Lost condom.” Which meant, pap smear. Well no luck there so he mentions, “Maybe the flu, maybe intestinal, we will just get you feeling better and start from there.” A week and a half has gone bye and I think everything is finally settling down. The next big step will be…let’s see how much this is going to cost me. How much will be covered by our wonderful health care system? Seriously… to anyone out there who is a nice guy with a good gosh darn Health Insurance Policy: I’m may be available! Hopefully you can help me find that gosh darn condom!!!

Thanks everyone for all of your great comments! I will proceed with the future of this Blog as of today…with the spam I have dealt with from Stock Market Companys, Drug Companys, etc…there are many other Blogs you can follow..
And just a tip….at this point if invested in the market, I’m sure most people, will only be will able to retire in the alley at the 99 cents store…711 market is upscale.
And again…thanks everyone else for your feedback!! Talk to you soon!